Grieving? Two Go-To Books
Cathy Hope, Life Transitions Coach • Apr 29, 2021
Whatever you have lost, the only right way to grieve is your way.
—Cathy Hope
It is important to me that people have resources so that they do not have to weather their grief alone. Grief can be like riding a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes drowning in a tsunami of tears, or feeling like we’re living in an altered universe. Symptoms of grief can include exhaustion, forgetfulness, sleepless nights, weight gain or loss, irritability, anxiety, shock, anger, and denial. People say that they feel like they are going crazy at times. They are not.
Particularly in this time of pandemic-disruption, with access and mobility restricted and our normal routines upended, some of us face heavier burdens, challenges, and change, others have lost loved ones, often under sudden circumstances or from a distance.
All of us can benefit from a little support in what we are going through from others who know and understand. Whether we are grieving someone or experiencing a sudden life change, I am a big fan of keeping things simple and going back to basics, and these two books are the ones I have turned to to support me when I was grieving:
How to Survive the Loss of a Love
by Harold H Bloomfield, MD, Melba Colegrove, PhD, and Peter McWilliams
I have been leaning into this pocket-sized book since the 1990s when a long-term relationship was ending and I returned to it over the years when beloved pets or people died. This book normalizes grief by offering practical information for understanding loss as well as surviving, healing and growing. The authors clearly “get grief” and the book is filled with poems that nail it and simple bullet-point reminders, like: ”You have the full right to experience the process in your own way, to gain your understanding and realizations in your own time.” Other gems of wisdom include “Keep decision-making to a minimum,” “It's okay to feel low for a while,” and “Most losses do not require psychotherapy.”
Opening to Grief: Finding Your Way From Loss to Peace
by Claire Willis and Marnie Crawford Samuelson
I found this book at the start of the pandemic after my dad died alone in a hospital, only a few months after my mom died. I needed this book because it met me where I was. Each chapter is only a few pages, about as much as I could absorb. I often refer to this book as a guide to mindful grieving. Poems, reflections, tiny practices/meditations, suggestions help us remember to be kind to ourselves, grateful, restore ourselves in nature, use writing as a refuge, and explore new ways to open to our grief. The second half of the book addresses common questions people ask about grief, tools for deepening the practices, and further inspiration.
If you know someone who is grieving, you may want to consider giving one of these books to them as a gift.
“Whether or not enlightenment is possible at the moment of death, the practices that prepare one for this possibility also bring one closer to the bone of life." —Joan Halifax, Upaya Zen Center, Being With Dying (book and training program)
“You’ve named my grief. I never really recognized my grief until you talked about it in that way.” —Kenneth Doka, Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow